The Christmas Psalm

So after some discussion, my housemate and I decided to get a small tree and decorate it for the season.

So after some discussion, my housemate and I decided to get a small tree and decorate it for the season.

Hello Friends and Family,

After the last depressing post I figured it was time for some Christmas cheer 🙂

Last Tuesday, December 10th, my department had our Christmas Lunch. At the end of it, after opening Secret Santa presents and eating delicious food, our director, Mark, read us this Christmas Psalm. (Mark is Scottish so feel free to read everything below in a Scottish accent for authenticity’s sake)

A lot of things about Christmas become traditional. One developing tradition is the reading of the Christmas Psalm. In the Bible, there wasn’t a Psalm written for Christmas. Odd that…

The Christmas Psalm

Give ear, O Lord, to my cry that goeth out of faint lips

For Christmas is nigh and mine bank balance is as scarlet

My relations compass about me

And the noise of commercials is heard throughout the land

O Lord let me not be consumed!

Consumed?’ saith the Lord

‘tis thou that wilt do the consuming if I know thee’

And in mine anguish I called upon the Lord

And he answered me and said

‘Oh, thou callest upon me now, dost thou?

That’s big of thee!

O give ear and hear for this is how Christmasses

shall be from this day forth

Thine in-laws shall come

From the East and from the West

Yea, from the uttermost parts of the earth

Bath bombs shall they bring, biscotti also

And many cheap DVDs

iTunes vouchers, Malibu, car deodorant

Pink pashminas and a scented, electric candle for the loo

Auntie Alice shall be for an affliction unto thee

Her knitting hath been going on for months

And thou shalt be covered with a garment

As with the deep.

The postman shall be hung over

Therefore shall he naff off early, forgetting to deliver

Your special Amazon order

There shall be family games – for lo, the Freeview box will be on the blink

Then shalt thou resort to drink

Yea, to very much strong drink

And in the watches of the night

With groaning and gnashing of teeth

Shalt thou lean over the sink

And small, but tone-deaf, carol singers

Shalt be from everlasting unto everlasting’

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One thought on “The Christmas Psalm

  1. Tabi says:

    I personally think that’s the best looking Christmas tree I’ve ever seen…

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